Thursday, September 25, 2008
Canadian Rock Star - Brandon Adams...?
It was the night of the Academy Awards, March 23rd, 2008.
Two teenage girls - Tina and Nino had stayed up all night after school to watch the long-awaited "Titanic" year at the Oscars live from LA on Russian TV way past midnight (Moscow time.)
After Celine Dion's special performance of the hit movie song that had just become huge in Russia and won our hearts immediately, Nino and I were ready to retire to bed... It was, after all 4 a.m. and we were barely 14 years old (only just!)
As we both went to the bedroom and got inside our cozy beds on a chilly Moscow night (yes, even March is a freezing cold month back home!) my mom rushed into the room and turned the lights on right away, "Girls, girls, Bryan Adams is in a movie!"
Bryan Adams? You see, I was a humongous fan of his from an early age; already realizing that I wouldn't let her blink an eye until I had watched the film right then and there, Nino gave up on the very notion of finally going to sleep and tuned in to see what the big fuss about the Bryan Adams movie was all about....
The first few minutes were all about a blond guy with a very similar mid-90's Bryan Adams-esque hairstyle, except he was wearing a mask on his face the whole time. All we really got to see during the first half of the movie were the blond streaks and white sneakers + blue jeans on a faceless, barely alive corpse that was being dragged by some psycho from one room to another...
Hello, it was a horror movie!
"Are you sure this is Bryan Adams?" we kept questioning my mom, trying to double-check if it really was worth watching this nonsense.
"The plot might develop as it goes on, Nino" I reassured my sleepy girlfriend. "No way Bryan Adams would've made a bad movie!" As if I knew his professional preferences and cinematic demands intimately!
An hour + into the horror movie - still no sign of Bryan or anyone else with a visible face, for that matter - they were all wearing masks, except for one girl, and she clearly was not BA.
"I'll give it another 15 minutes and then I'm off to sleep," Nino threatened me. Mom agreed.
"Awww how can you do that, it's Bryan Adams' first movie, for God's sake!"
And so the dragging-by-the-feet from one room on to another and up & down the stairs carried on for another endless hour... The sun was beginning to shine through the clouds and we realized we'd definitely lost our much needed sleep for the night. But it was going to be so worth it by the end of the work of art, I kept telling Mom and my best friend.
1h58m, 1h59m, 2h00m...
That's it, the hype around the worst film of the year (no Academy Award for this horror masterpiece, that's for sure!) was beginning come to a rather "disappointing" ending... a twist would've helped... maybe it was on the way?
"Oh wait, maybe he's singing the title song in the end of the movie? Let's wait for the big soundtrack moment and also check the credits!" Mom seemed determined. "I swear, it said Bryan Adams in the beginning of the film!!!"
The song... The big moment.... I was going to hear a new song of my favorite male singer - clearly, along with the Robin Hood hit and Don Juan de Marco, I had never come across this soundtrack before, at least not among his other records. Could it be a premiere? I was too tired to even think straight at that point... Nino was losing the grip, too.
YES... The film was over and it FINALLY was time for the HUGE ballad along with the much-anticipated credits.
JKAHFIUASFHEONFAKUORESZFLISEOL;MSDLVUOPGJLRSGTAOPEJQI2-0O2!!!!UW8292///'IU2905-6- this is the approximate notation of the song in "musical" terms. The solo chanteuse sounded more like a bad version of Marilyn Manson than anything else.
"THIS IS NOT BRYAN ADAMS!!" Nino screamed, "Even I know THAT much... Ohhhh Tina, I will kill you!!!" We both laughed, although she really was angry and disappointed about losing a few precious hours of sleep.
The final drop was the long list of credits... Mom came back into the room, "So you saw Bryan in the end? Was it him behind the black mask?"
"Mooooooom..... The credits say 'BRANDON ADAMS' not 'BRYAN'...!!!!!!!!!!!!" World War III broke out... inevitably.
Instead of feeling bad for us, she roooooared laughing and we simply had to give in - it really WAS hilarious, after all.
Needless to say, we were up within 15 minutes to get for school on time and on with a new day but couldn't stop laughing about the Brandon Adams incident that kept us giggling during the rest of the week...
Yes, Nino forgave me in the end. She is still one of my closest friends in the world.
But does she still like Bryan Adams? I wonder........