Wednesday, November 19, 2008

When Silence Gets Too Much

Once upon a time, not so terribly long ago, daily blogging was an inner necessity for me, I had to write a paragraph or two either direct from my phone "on the go" or the laptop on my coffee table in the living room. I simply had to write. I was enjoying every bit of it, couldn't wait to post something on regular basis... A couple of times, friends jokingly warned they'd unsubscribe from my blog list if I didn't stop writing massive electronic accounts day in and day out. Breaking the habit for more than a week was unfathomable to me.

Over the past month or so, I noticed that the necessity was slowly beginning to fade, and it was mainly the group of friends on myspace that inevitably raised the question, "why have you stopped blogging like you used to?"

The bottom line is probably the fact that the act of posting private thoughts, activities and accounts of daily life and its adventures can become slightly too... personal, I suppose. Is it an addiction, I wonder? The need to share, to discuss, to talk out loud. Or simply the desire to write to those who may care to read what you have to say? As Richard will probably agree, one's ego has quite a lot to do with this phenomenon.

But on the other hand, there comes a time when something "clicks" inside and the red light goes off instantly... "I am sharing too much!" A couple of times, I have to admit that I probably said too much that perhaps I shouldn't have. Nothing wrong with being honest and genuine, but sometimes it can be misinterpreted. Openness can make us vulnerable, especially when we are actually enjoying the moment of honesty. The beauty of the internet is that every one of us is entitled to privacy and the freedom of speech - a strange combination, that is until you unmask your true identity. And then the privacy and ability to share personal thoughts and feelings is pretty much no longer what it once used to be. But the desire to share is still very much "there"... Except now there's no going back, you either maintain the honesty in the blog posts or simply "back off"... It's like a relationship in many ways, I guess.

Having said all of the above, backing off hasn't really worked for me. I do miss blogging, primarily because it brings all of us in the virtual world a little bit closer to us, and makes us so much more "human" in this inhuman online universe. That's the beauty of it - meeting some of the nicest people, and a few "odd characters" here and there, but all in all - such an adventure, how do you walk away from it?

Blogging rehab aside, it has been really frantic recently, even more so after the initial bite of positive reaction and a bit of success in the UK club scene with "Thinking of Someone Else". The big question is, how do we keep the momentum and build on it while it's still very much hot and current? The answer is - RADIO - but of course like everything else, it's easier said than done. However, this weekend the song will, in fact, premiere on FM radio and needless to say, I am THRILLED, but also refusing to stop and enjoy the moment when there's so much more that has to be done, one by one - it's finally coming together like a puzzle that's missing one little piece in the corner on the left-hand side.

Apart from the radio dilemma which is now beginning to click, click, click cross-Atlantic, we also realized that I'm short of a ... Ballad! And this is where somebody like Billy Stein comes in. The new song is currently "under construction" and is being written by myself, Billy and Christopher Neil, my executive producer and someone without whose belief, support and hard work I wouldn't be doing what I love the most - as simple as that. It's very exciting, but I have to say that after being out of the studio since June, the past week was a strange "homecoming" experience for me. And exhausting too, but I loved it. What do I look forward to the most now? (Apart from hearing the song on the radio this weekend onwards!) Recording the vocals - finally!

And of course aside from the Music, the UN radio show, recording sessions and publicity work "in the making", there's always that extra bit of time, patience and space that we devote to the family, friends and matters of the heart... The latter being the trickiest one, of course, but there's never a dull moment, is there? :-) That's it, daren't say any more in case "I really shouldn't".

It has only just hit me... I have missed blogging A LOT. That aftertaste following a night out with close friends, chatting, catching up and sharing bits and pieces after a long period of silence can be so comforting. That's what I've missed about this experience. I really should devote a little more time to this particular form of writing - it's too good to neglect!

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